Where are you, "are"?: Grammar neglect

You want to know one of the most prominent things I notice when I'm at school?

Consistently bad grammar.

Now, I can understand the occasional mistake. I make grammar mistakes. I make spelling errors, despite my great efforts to the contrary. I can even understand making the same mistake twice, or two mistakes in the same sentence. My brain moves extremely quickly. That's why I stutter, because I'm trying to get out a lot at once while making sure it's grammatically correct. And when I really need to get it out, I'm going to make an error in grammar.

But I really can't stand the consistent lack of one critical word that people who speak slowly leave out. All the time. It's gone. In a deeply insane part of my brain, I want to put up "missing" signs.

Yes, I want to know what happened to the word "are". Where did it go? I know people know how to use it because they can easily read materials that have the word "are" and have no trouble until they encounter a word they don't know (I can understand that, too, until it's a fantastically simple word-once someone didn't know the word "tortoise", as in couldn't read it). But for some reason, they never use it in their verbal speech. Or in their written speech.

One time in class, my teacher handed out these papers with hands on them. These hands were passed around the room and on them we were supposed to write complements to the person who owned the hand. The comments I received, as far as morale goes, were wonderful. But I kept noticing one thing, no matter what the comment was: "you a good singer"; "you hella smart"; "you cool, girl". No, it's not the lack of capitals. When it's not an assignment to be turned into a teacher like an essay or something, that doesn't bother me as much. But, you probably guessed it, I noticed the lack of the word "are".

(One comment I really liked said "you are cute". I figured out who wrote it, too, and with a real runaround, I managed to figure out that he likes me. I like him, too. On his paper I wrote "You're cute and not ghetto." AND HE USES PROPER GRAMMAR! That's a real win point with Katie! But I digress.)

Here's another story. In my vocal class one day, the teacher was talking about what other performances we'd be involved in, "we" meaning "the intermediate class". He said, "None of you will be involved in Senior Showcase." (Senior Showcase, by the way, is sort of like a talent contest for seniors. Whoever the judges decide is best gets I think $500 to use at the college of their choice. I don't remember exactly, but it's big.) I said, "Right, except for [the sole senior in the room]." Then this one kid looked up at the senior and said, "Oh, that's right. You is a senior!" With much effort I quelled my immense distaste as to the wording of this exclamation. "I'm sorry," I wanted to say, "'You is'? Are you sure you said that right? Don't you mean 'you are'?" When I get nitpicky about grammar, I don't stop, and I can get mad.

I don't understand why people are suddenly leaving out the word "are". Is it rebellion? Why do we have to leave out words, then? Isn't the near-constant swearing enough verbal rebellion for this generation? The near-constant slang usage? Is the word "are" too good for them? That's a bit arrogant. Is it their upbringing? Why do their parents neglect the word "are"? Is it societal?

And don't even get me started on the phrase I hate most in this decade. I haven't heard it recently, thank God, but that doesn't make me hate it less. "Ain't nobody got time for that."

Let's disassemble, shall we? "Ain't" is a Webster's-accepted contraction for "am not". To say "I ain't" is actually grammatically acceptable. Now, that doesn't mean I like it, but on a grammatical level I can't protest. However, I can protest all I want to "Ain't you...?", "Ain't it...?", "It ain't...", "I ain't got..." etc. Why? Translated, those phrases are "Am not you...?", "Am not it...?", "It am not...", "I am not got...": Do you see? Do those make sense? Nope!

So now we're at "Am not nobody got time for that." Do you notice that double negative there? Double negatives are always wrong. Here's another thing: "Got" is not the word you would use in this situation. What I would use in this form of the phrase is "have", like "Am not nobody have time for that." As bad as it is, it sounds a little better. I don't mind the meaning of the phrase, it's saying that something's ridiculous, useless, a complete and total waste of time. However, the proper way to have it phrased would be to say, "Nobody has time for that." Or, if you're for the classics, like I am, you could say, "That's ridiculous!" or "That's stupid."

So, if you feel like making Katie happy, evaluate your speech. If you find yourself not using the word "are" as much as you should (or saying "Ain't nobody got time for that"), remember my words. The word "are" is not a curse, and using it will make you sound smarter than your fellows. Going for a job interview? I'd recommend quickly splicing "are" back into your vocabulary, and doing your best to splice out swears. It will make a world of difference.